How do you tell your smelly flatmate that the corners of the rug curl up when they walk in the door or the couch cringes when they walk towards it? How do you give them the hint that they need to change their sheets regularly as the bedding is turning a grey brown color and that there is a thick choking odor wafting out from their room? How do you subtly point your reeking flatmate towards the bathroom and introduce them to the shower? How do you get your flatmate to keep their foul smelling shoes outside (preferably out as far as the street!)? How do you save your friendship before throwing up your previous meal? How do you tell your rank buddy that his putrid clothes are just about to pack themselves into a suit case and ship themselves off to rehab?
Hygiene basics are easy; bringing the issue up to your roommate may be more difficult. If you don't have the type of relationship where you could talk to your housemate about this issue you could try to approach him/her indirectly. For instance, you could try a gift basket with scented soaps, bath bubbles, lotions, herbal deodorant, exotic detergent, etc.; maybe they will get the hint. However, keep in mind that as frustrated as you may be, it would be unreasonable to expect your roommate to read your mind. An indirect approach, while less confrontational, certainly has its limitations.
To directly address the issue, you may want to consider some of the following:
- Is your roommate truly aware of the smell? If not, and you bring the issue to light, he/she may feel embarrassed, but agree to try change their ways.
- Did you discuss any "house rules" when you began living together? If so, it may be time to revisit the discussion and ask your roommate to live up to the agreement. If not, it's never too late to set up a house meeting and discuss what standards of cleanliness each of you can agree to. You could choose to discuss any other house issues as well and discretely bring up the cleanliness subject.
- Do you have an especially sensitive sniffer, or unusually high sanitary standards? You may want to ask a friend to assess the odor situation, as back up. If your roommate doesn't believe the odor is as offensive as you say, confirmation from an outside party may help them see your side.
To confront him/her, you may ask your housemate to sit and have a talk at a mutually convenient time. You could present the problem with an "I" statement, to minimize any defensiveness on their part: "I can't get used to your smell, but I have some ideas that may help me adjust, if you would consider them…." Have some suggestions prepared, such as: Setting up a bathroom schedule, so each of you has time to bathe regularly; setting up a cleaning schedule so that trash is removed regularly, vacuuming and sweeping are done, the refrigerator is emptied of old food, etc.; or splitting the cost of a weekly or bi-weekly house cleaner. You can also ask your roommate for his/her perspective on the issue — is he/she aware? Does he/she have time to clean? Do they agree there is a problem? Try to listen to them, and have a calm conversation to reach some agreements about how to keep your apartment clean. Hopefully the two of you will be able to reach an agreement, as well as begin to build the foundation for a civil living situation.
Your roommate may or may not agree there is a problem. If he/she fails to try to work with you to make your home comfortable for the both of you, and you cannot tolerate living with them, you may decide to take a different, more drastic approach: finding a new roommate. Either you or they could consider moving out, which takes a lot of work, but is always an option. (An excerpt from Go Ask Alice)
If you have some ideas or experiences, funny or serious, we would love to hear them.
